Hayden Panettiere: Ho or Not-A-Ho

Sure, she likes to make out with her dad, but does that make Hayden Panettiere a ho? Maybe! We'll find out! Did you know that cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded? I think I heard that in a movie...It's Blank or Not-A-Blank!

First off, let's address the issue at hand. That picture above. Recently, a bunch of candid photos of Hayden were released onto the internet. I find the picture to be highly insulting, degrading, and just plain trashy. What kind of douchebag poses with a bust of an ass?



My sweet dear lord. Where did that come from! Listen...it's different when I do it, and for some reason, I don't really have a problem with that photo anymore. Not-A-Ho

What the hell kind of last name is Panettiere? I'll tell you what kind of name it is, an unnecessary one. That shit is far too long, and I'm calling her Pants from now on. Ho

We all know Pants as the cheerleader from Heroes, but did you know that she was also nominated for a Grammy for Best Spoken Word Album for Children for A Bug's Life Read-Along? Me neither! Do you care? Me neither! But she is an aspiring singer, and her Myspace is a music page filled with some shitty jams. Another actress turned singer, eh? This has all the makings of a ho. Ho

Here is a picture of Pants and her mom:



Yikes! Doesn't Mom Pants resemble another famous Hollywood mom, the mother of a certain starlet that Hayden absolutely does NOT want to be confused with? How does that old saying go? Ah that's right. If your mom's a ho, you's a ho. Ho

Pants seems to be a kind and gentle soul. Most people scream and run in the other direction if they see Rumer Willis coming at them, but not our Pants! She throws a yellow sweatshirt on her friend's chin and takes the beast shopping! She's a lot nicer than I am. Not-A-Ho

Unfortunately for Pants, helping out the less fortunate looking is not going to save her from being a Ho. I really thought Pants was gonna win this one, but even a picture like this:



can't make you Not-A-Ho. I still like you though! See how that works? You're a likable ho! Nothing wrong with that. Did I miss something? Do you disagree with my musings? I don't know how you could, because I am infallible, but if you must attempt to point out any errors, please do so in the comments. But know, you will burn in hell for your transgressions. Good luck!