Please please please go away

Paris Hilton doesn't seem to understand what jail is. Even though she's already getting special treatment, I still have a fleeting hope that she will be faced with crazy-eyed lesbians who will subject her to a vicious cycle of beatings and vagina licking when she goes to jail ON MONDAY!!! However, Paris seems to be treating this like just another glamorous event, hiring a hair and makeup team to primp her for her big entrance into the big house. And with this, I think it is now safe to assume (as if there was any doubt) that Paris Hilton is the biggest moron the world has ever known. Why she would doll herself up for the angry lesbians who are anxiously awaiting her arrival is beyond me. Paris is also penning a diary during her stay in prison. I'm assuming the gripping entries will read something like this:

Dear Diary,

This party blows. My roommate Gina is a cunt. I miss all of my racist friends.

xoxo,

Paris.

George Michael, you crazy bastard, please take the pain away: