What is wrong with this picture? Let me count the ways...

Listen here, Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt, I don't know what kind of broke down, trashy orphanage you came from...but this here is America. And 'round here, you cannot just be dragged around to a meeting you have no business being at because you're a child...looking like total trash. Oh, you're going to the doctor? Well, same rules apply. You need to look good wherever you go. That's the American way. Allow me show you everything that is wrong with what's going on here:

#1) We need to get you to Ken Paves right away. What in fashion's sweet & holy name is going on with that part? It gets worse, people:



I know mommy & daddy are probably too busy with their other three more important children, but it's okay for you to take the comb and just fix your hair your own damn self. Maddox does that. Get in step with your Asian brethren.

#2) When you carry daddy's papers around for him, people are going to start mistaking you for the help. It's okay now, I guess, because you are three-years-old and he's carrying you, but have some self-respect, Pax. No one wants to see you as the Asian slave. Keep that shit behind closed doors.

#3) Socks & Sandals? Really, Pax? Did you forget to have your daily pedicure done? Why don't we just complete this horrendous display by popping your collar and adding a fanny pack to the ensemble. You should be ashamed of yourself.

#4) Stop with the whole "Why am I here? Who are you? Can I go back home now, please??" face. No one wants to be reminded that you didn't actually slide out of the Brangelina international vag highway.

#5) Why did you make your dad wear that fedora? I think your god awful fashion sense is starting to wear off on Brad, and I really don't appreciate it.

Listen Pax, I don't like your jerk-off name, I don't like your jerk-off face, I don't like your jerk-off fashion sense, and I don't like you...jerk-off. You better get your act together, and quick. Way to ruin my Thursday, Pax. Thanks a fucking lot. As for all y'all crazies in the background with your camera phones screaming at a three-year-old child...y'all are alright with me. Keep on with the stalking & the picture taking.