sexiest woman maxim

There is only one thing that I love more than The Big Lebowski and that is punching the ever-lovin' crap out of some cute babies. Since I'm punching babies on Tuesday, Thursday & Friday of this week, my birthday - WEDNESDAY - is wide open for some Lebowski action figures. Feel free to order them and then hold them up to your monitor and wish them to me. Or you can email us (twogirlsplusgay@gmail.com)...

Happy Birthday Kirsten Dunst, you horrible beast of a woman. It pains me to know that not only do we share the same birth year, but we are separated by mere days (That's right y'all - yours truly has a birthday coming up on Wednesday! You can paypal me money that I will surely spend on male strippers in Canada. They show wang there!). If we had been born in the same hospital, on the same day, I would...

Remember when Lily Allen was kicking at the paparazzi like an asshole and her boyfriend shot her a well deserved judgemental look? No? Remind yourself. Back? Great! Lily Allen has learned how to keep her boyfriend's (I think that's the same guy. I really can't be sure. All you roundish dudes with your scruffy beards look the same to me) judgemental looks at bay, and that is by jamming her tongue down...

Dear Britney Spears,We know you are really excited about your new body. We also know that you are really ashamed about that whole silly head-shaving incident, and like to cover it up with a cowboy hat. But this shit needs to stop. It is April 30, not October 31st - so these "slutty [insert profession here - my guess is waitress?]" costumes you keep wearing are really inappropriate. We're probably...

Can you spot the woman? Steven Tyler is starting to resemble the way a fruit roll-up looks when you take it out of its handy plastic/waxy wrap and unroll it. He's all shiny and something tells me he probably smells of watermelon. I don't know why he would smell like watermelon, it's just something I'd like to think he'd smell like just to help me cope with the terror I feel when looking at h...

We all already knew not to trust, go near, or listen to Boy George, but someone needs to have a sit down with this guy. This crazy gay was arrested this weekend on charges of false imprisonment and common assault. He allegedly cruised the website Gaydar, and elicited the services of a male "model" who showed up to his place, only to be KIDNAPPED & CHAINED TO A WALL. The Daily Mail reports: Auden...

Man, I haven't hated on Kirsten Dunst in a few days now. She's been twirling all over the world, dressing her worst and promoting Spiderman 3. Let's take this time to take a look at some of the looks that Kirsten has sported this past week:Coked up prom queen meets coked up 50-year-old socialite? Kirsten, I'm happy that you finally realize you hit your peak with Interview with the Vampire, but it...

Angelina is about to bust a vein in her head...SHE'S SO G.D. PRETEND HAPPY!Due to her past with Marilyn Manson, Rose doesn't understand the word "happiness".Lindsay does her best "Cowardly Lion gone Happy"This one is more, "I think I just sharded." than happy.Keep tryin', celebriti...

Another day, another Britney Spears photo. This time, she's out with her sons Sean Preston and what we can only assume to be Jayden James. Why she continues to smother that poor baby is beyond me. I've narrowed it down to two reasons. 1) Britney hates Jayden James because he looks like this:Doesn't she realize that that little baby boy/panda mix that came out of her vagina will grown into a cute pandaboy?...

This lady is apparently crazy and tried to run over Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James. She is also apparently not good at running over people, because she tried "3 or 4 times" and still couldn't hit his ass. I don't really know the details of this, and I don't really care, either. If you do, you can check TMZ, as I'm sure they will be constantly and diligently working on this insanely important...

What do you do if the world thinks that you ditched out on your bill while dining with your pal Russell Simmons? Well, if you are Tyra Banks you promptly return to that fine establishment, only briefly hesitating to alert the paparazzi and turn it into a photo op. See y'all! Tyra's not an asshole! She hugs short little men who clearly aren't impressed and apparently gives them a late-tip of $100...

Holy muthafuckin shit. David Beckham bleached his hair. Did someone alert our troops overseas of this monumental occasion? I think this means we've won the war! We took to the streets to see what everyday celebrities, who are just like us - mind you, had to say about this:Breakdancing fool Johnathon Lipnicki:What happened to my youth?Creepy Wax Statue of Justin Timberlake:He looks so hottt! His hotttness...

Eve was arrested last night on a suspicion of a DUI after she crashed her gold Maserati on Hollywood Boulevard. That's too bad for Eve. Something else that is too bad for Eve is that Sean Penn went to visit her in jail. Eve, I really hope you aren't hitting that. You are hot! You can do way better than Sean Penn! No word yet as to what these two were doing together, or if they were together before...

Paris Hilton will probably/hopefully not be with us for very much longer. The Scoop reports:Paris Hilton was in the audience as Prince performed at Club 3121 at the Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas’s Club 3121 on April 20. At one point, Prince invited the “Stars Are Blind” crooner to join him onstage. A “delighted” Hilton scampered onto the stage and the “Purple Rain” singer handed the...

Hugh Grant was arrested yesterday for throwing a container of baked beans at a photographer. #1) Why are you carrying around a tupperware container of baked beans & #2) Why didn't you set down the beans and pick up a large rock? I think it would have done more damage. Sure, the charges probably would have been more severe, but you would have accomplished your goal - which is the most important...

Um...Alright...I guess American Idol decided to take it up a creepy notch in the wake of Sangina's leaving by placing a hologrammed Elvis alongside Celine Dion so they could sing the greatest duet the world has ever heard, thus making television history. That's literally how Idol was trying to spin this strange event. My favorite parts are when Celine pretends to look at the fake twinkly lights that...

For the love of God will somebody feed her!! Keira Knightley is looking pretty damn thin lately and by thin I mean really nasty. And I think it might be because she is confused and thinks she is from Africa. Amongst her bony frame she was found wearing this:Someone should inform Keira that you are not African just because you wear a golden pendulum with a very stereotypical looking African woman...

So, I'm browsing through People Magazine's however many most beautiful people, looking at their unshocking choices. Scarlett Johansson? Check. Patrick Dempsey? I don't agree, but whatever. Halle Berry? Obviously. But then I come across this:PETE WENTZ??? Pete Wentz? Really? They even went so far as to include this little treat, Pete Wentz giving a tutorial on how to apply "guy-liner". If you don't...

The once universally feared (by white rappers, anyway) Suge Knight was caught by TMZ outside of a club last night berating a K-Fed look-a-like. Yeah, you heard me. He was talking shit to someone that looked like K-Fed. Suge then took this sad turn full circle by declaring, "Britney is my homegirl". Suge, I hope you were really, unbelievably high and can use that as an excuse for this sort of behavior,...

US Weekly is trying to get you to buy their magazine this week by claiming that Tom Cruise has ordered wife/slave Katie Holmes to attend Scientology parenting classes. I don't feel bad for Katie, because Scientologists are completely insane and she should have known that before marrying the King of the Crazies. Aside from the Scientology part of this, parenting classes probably aren't all that bad....

This picture of an alleged Micheal Jordan grinding all up on some hos in Cabo San Lucas has been floating around the internet recently. I can't really tell if that's Jordan or not simply because he is black and therefore blends into any dark background, like a shadow. He's like the hero on Heroes that can disappear and reappear at any given time. There could be a black man grinding all up on me right...

That's what this guy thinks, anyway. This crazy was tackled by the fuzz for threatening to kill Hilary Duff as she was heading in to tape an appearance on Canada's MuchMusic. Last October, Duff and then boyfriend Joel Madden took out a restraining order against an 18 year old, who later was arrested for stalking and threatening to kill her. Dang...why does everyone want to kill Hilary Duff? Agent...

Keep the Dunce cap out of schools because Kirsten likes to pray in public. Yes, let us pray. Let us pray that the world be rid of you Kirsten and whatever sick rocker boy toy you are spreading your snaggletooth STDs to. Maybe if we all combine our praying forces together it will work. Lets give it a try... Let us bow our heads and pray....click pic for NSFW versionIt didn't work. Kirsten hasn't been...

Hey! It's Michelle Rodriguez? I mean, I think it's her, I can't really tell since she's taken it to the streets in a face mask. Hot Damn, I love her crazy ass. I wish she was crazy more often. Going shopping mid-facial is actually quite tame for this bitch. She kinda looks like that fake picture of Heath Ledger as the joker that was floating around yesterday. And with that, it's time for me to take...

Well here's something you don't see everyday. What do you suppose Courtney Love and Gwyneth Paltrow are doing here with their eyes closed? Praying that no one will see them with each other? Blissfully envisioning their impending night of passion? Taking a moment to pretend that they really are the white trash mother & daughter that they are conveying so well? I hope these two hang out all the...

Contrary to what we previously reported, it looks like Mel B did not name her bastard child Fortuna, but chose Angel Iris MURPHY BROWN instead. Well, if Eddie isn't the father, she can always backpeddle by saying, "No, I just really loved that delightful '88-98 sitcom, in particular, the episode in which..." who am I kidding. I've never seen a single episode of Murphy Brown in my life. I'm just going...

So, you may or may not have heard of this dumb 20 year old kid who posted a video of himself on youtube, giving out his phone number and asking people to call him to, you know, talk about, you know, stuff...or whatever. I guess people are calling him. Riveting, I know. But what's even more compelling is the fact that the Today show booked this douche to talk about how people are calling him on this...

Thanks ...

Here's a Coca-Cola commercial running in the UK featuring music from Detroit's own Jack White of The White Stripes. I'm posting this because I think it's cute, and it brings up a couple things I'd like to talk about. First, does the fact that Jack White is now whoring himself out for Coca-Cola enrage you? It certainly does not enrage me a bit. You wanna know why? If I were Jack White, I'd take out...

Who watched Heroes last night? *SPOILER ALERT* I fully apologize for any negative thing I've ever said about that show. I tend to hate things for no reason. I just pick something, like walnuts, and hate on it until i just can't hate anymore. For some reason, when Heroes first aired, I chose to hate that show. Now I see that was a mistake. What a great comeback episode! It seems like that lame mantra...

You may have heard this one before... but whats black and white and red all over??No, not Gwen Stefani on the red carpet...Its Gwen Stefani getting rammed by a zebra on the red carpet.I think she likes ...