Can Someone Please Explain...

What the hell is wrong with Matthew McConaughey?

#1) You took your exercise bike outside? Why not, I don't know...go for an actual bike ride? We all know you have an actual bicycle, muthafucka.

#2) Is that a pen or a cigarette? I think it is a pen, but I wish it was a cigarette. Maybe all that time you're spending perfecting the art of the personal blow job would be better used for smoking or note taking, whichever it is that you trying to do while you are working on your fitness on a machine designed for indoor use.

#3) Freedom rides? Freedom riders? Does it (Do they) ride a stationary bike outdoors? Cut your hair you g.d. hippie.

Anything I missed? Fill me in, in the comments!