Cameron Diaz, I really hate you

Cameron is getting some shit today about getting wasted last night & subsequently being photographed. I don't hate Cameron for being wasted, I hate her for looking (and it pains me to say this) good while being so wasted. She looks good leaving the gym, and now she looks good even when she can barely open her eyes. When I get wasted I either A) state, into the microphone at karaoke, that I think I got AIDS from entering the bar due to the high frequency of times a 47 year old woman flashed her vag at me (this made sense to me at the time) or B) fall down dancing at the gay bar so many times that I wake up with large, unsightly bruises all over my legs (both of these are, unfortunately, true stories). Well, I still have one up on you, Cameron. You wanna know why? Do I even have to say it?