Scarlett Johansson is Easy

As you can see, it takes a bit of work for Scarlett Johansson to go from this:



To this:



Being crowned "The World's Most Ridiculously Attractive Female, Seriously Dudes & Ladies - This Bitch is HOTTT!" over and over again is not an easy job, and I would assume that remaining so brutally hot is very time consuming and leaves little room for doing much else. Perhaps that is why Scarlett Johansson cannot find a man of her own, and has to chase the men that Jessica Biel has left in her ass-wake. First, Scar was linked to Justin Timberlake soon after The Ass had her way with him and then tossed him aside like a Buns of Steel tape that she obviously no longer has any use for. Now, Scar is linked to Ryan Reynolds, who has most-likely already tapped The Ass' ass. Damn girl, I thought you were supposed to be hot or something. Why can't you get a dude all on your own? Perhaps when these dudes wake up after a night of boning you and find you doing this in their sink they are a bit turned off:



NO? You dudes still like that? Sure you're almost getting a peek of her baby slide, but she's shaving her legs in the sink! That shit is sick! Okay, well maybe the problem lies in the fact that one of Scarlett's first movies was that Horse Whisperer movie, and we all know how strange horse-girls are:



That must be it. But you dudes should be really excited about this news, as it means that the odds that you could bone Scarlett are in your favor. Bitch is unwarrantedly insecure and likes horsies. Buy her a Cosmo, and you should be good to go. Save your roofies for Jessica Biel, that one might take a bit more effort.